Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize