this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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