i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
