He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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