That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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