Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
