look no pants
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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