im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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