I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
don't judge my taste in strippers
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
