Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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