ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Randomize