I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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