Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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