Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
