all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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