If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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