There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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