Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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