someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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