It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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