i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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