Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Dick very happy bro
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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