He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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