I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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