I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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