Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
