After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
