You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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