captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
