you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I didn't notice because vodka
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
