i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
