i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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