: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
