This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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