so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
