Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
