so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
