hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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