im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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