everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
