she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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