i just snorted my name. best moment ever
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
