Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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