So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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