in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
