dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
