Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
