I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
