It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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