I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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