What did we do last night that was yellow?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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