the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
