Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
