Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
