I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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