I am full of burrito and curiosity
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
