He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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