Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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