I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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