I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i think i have two assholes
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
