dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
