My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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