Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
