I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
