he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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