Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize