it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
