That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
