i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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