So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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