dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
