i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
