I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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