Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she told me i tasted like america
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
