I think I won the penis lottery.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
