I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize