I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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