Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
