So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
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